pact

I was staring at a mirror. You were sitting behind me, your chin rested on the soft muscle between my neck and shoulder.

“Like this, right?” You said, shape-shifting your face to match mine.

I laughed, moved my focus from you in the mirror to you in real life, where you lived with your beautiful normal face. I kissed you on the cheek, “Yeah, like that.”

We looked back into the mirror.

“What do you want from me?” You asked, in a voice that was soft and sweet; low and crystalline.

I took a breath. I removed my shirt and showed you the parts of my body that were colorless, only black and white, as if sketched with pencil. I looked down at those parts, and looked back up to you.

“These parts never got filled in.”

“Well, what do you want me to do?”

“Um…” I trailed off, hesitant of the next line that would either sink or swim, “I heard you were a painter.”

Putting a hand on my arm, you looked at the colorless parts in the mirror.

In your sweet voice, “The naked body” (kissing skin) “it’s sexual, it’s a secret, who do you share the secret with? What if you don’t want it to be a secret?”

The digital clock on the desk beside the bed read five-thirty.

“I can fill them in, but it will take time…a lot of time…”

“That’s okay.”

You were a blossoming sunrise, stretching over the horizon to cover the earth. I was crazy, a ball of yarn rolling blissfully downhill, unraveling.

Your tired voice, “I thought a lot about what you said last night.”

My tired voice, “Hm?”

“Of the night sky being a dark blanket under a bright blinding light, the stars being the light that shines through only those small needle-holes in that blanket. I respect your desire for balance, that there are equal parts light and dark. Is that what you meant?”

“Since then I may have considered that there is, on average (through space and time), only darkness…but that means to appreciate the light when it comes.”

“Hm.”

We went outside and yelled at the stars.

I stopped, in a moment of clarity, and thought out loud, “I want to go up there.”

You stopped jumping around in a frenzy, “That’s what we actually mean behind all this yelling, right?”

Grass on the dirt by the edge of the water leaned in the wind. We laid down in sleeping bags by the grass and looked at the lights all across the water.

We were quiet and then you laughed, “Hahaha, remember this?” and you turned your face into mine. I laughed and reached over and kissed my lips with my eyes closed. When they opened it was you again.

“Goddamn.” I whispered, “this is it.”

You laughed, your pixie eyes reflecting all those lights out on the water.

You looked out over the water, “shouldn’t be long now, before the sun comes.”

But to me the sun had risen everywhere throughout all space and time.

 

 

 

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image here: https://www.houzz.com/product/50341083-abstract-landscape-modern-minimalist-acrylic-painting-on-canvas-36×36-yellow-traditional-paintings

 

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